Inner Most
by OverlyObsessedWithSVU
Summary: Inside the mind of Olivia Benson...please tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

Inner Most

Well, where do I start? I guess I should start from the beginning, right? I am a middle-aged woman living in The Big Apple. I have next to no family, few friends, many lovers, and no loves. Well I guess I can't say that I have no loves because what I am really in love with is my job. It is a part of me and I am a part of it. There is no other way to explain how I feel about my job except it is my life. Also I am being bold in saying that my co-workers are my friends and my family all at once…

There is our dad, Don. He is the Captain of the squad. Did I mention I am a New York City Police Detective in the Special Victims Unit? Id didn't? Oh well, now you know. Back to talking about Don though. When I started working in the unit almost ten years ago he helped me to adjust and cope with all that came with the job I was facing. 'We don't get to pick the vic,' is what he says and I live by that every day of my life that I work here.

Next is the fabulous Sergeant John Munch. He is an old fogey but I love him nonetheless. Love, there is that word again, oh well. He is smart and funny and he has this, oh I don't know, way about him that makes one person in the room squirm and another roll on the floor with laughter. He also has this thing with conspiracy theories that I still don't get to this day.

The gangster of the group, Odafin Tutuola. He has a funny name but once you get past that, and learn to pronounce it he is a great guy. He has your back no matter what the situation and he will comfort you, as best he can, when you need a shoulder to cry on. He joined us from Narcotics about seven years ago and he has been a help to all of us in the connection category as well.

Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. What is there to say about her? Better question, what isn't there to be said about her? She has been my best girl-friend for just about five years. She knows her way around the law and around sports which is an interesting combination but it works for her. Her long, wavy, red hair is memorable. She is not just a friend but more like the little sister I never had. Again this goes without saying that this is my family.

Last but certainly not least is my best friend overall, my big brother, my hero, and my partner, Elliot Stabler. He is there for me when I need him and even when I think I don't. sure we have had our ups and downs but what relationship hasn't. Did I just say I have a 'relationship' with him? Well he is my partner in fighting crime. I work with him almost every day. I sit across from him every day. Get greeted by those blazing blue eyes. We at least say hello to each other if we are working on different cases for the day. He is my rock. The longest 'relationship' I have ever had with a man. He keeps me sane and I don't know what I would do without him.

"Liv," Elliot said in an attention seeking tone.

My head shot up to look at him. Look into those beautiful blue eyes of his. "El," I smile.

"You alright?" Elliot asked me. As if I had tears already streaming down my face.

I nodded. I wasn't sure what I could say. We knew each other so well though, maybe too well. We both knew when there was something wrong with the other. We also know when to leave whatever it was alone or when to push buttons. We push each other's buttons a lot but it is well worth it most of the time. Sure we almost lost each other a few times because of the particular buttons that were pushed but we pushed out of…caring, love, some sort of innermost feeling for each other. If one is in danger the other is always to the rescue and sometimes neither one of us wants to be rescued and there poses the problem again. "I'm fine, El," I finally say just to get him to take even one step back.

"Ok," Elliot nodded. Even though his eyes still occasionally pierced my skin after that moment just to tell me that he was still here and no matter how much rope he had, he was still hold on. He never lets go, not even for a moment in time. He is a father of five which I guess gives him the right to worry about the whole world around him.

There is our dear Casey Novak. She walks into the squad room as if on a mission. Every time she walks in here she is on a mission. She is always looking for that last clue, piece of evidence, to seal the deal on the latest case. "Hey 'Livia," she smiles at me and sits on the edge of my desk.

"Casey, hey, what's up," I say looking straight up at her and smile back.

"What do you guys have for me," Casey asked looking from me to Elliot and back to me swiftly.

The determination in Elliot's big blue eyes met the intensity of Casey's pretty green eyes for just a moment but it was in that moment that she knew the whole story.

"What am I supposed to give Sam and Lena with that?" Casey snapped. Her eyes almost swelled with tears but then she took a slow, deep breath and her eyes went back to normal. Her pouty lower lip caught my attention. It quivered constantly even though the rest of her went back to a slow not as noticeable tremble.

"We'll get him Case," Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola said from behind us at his desk. There was a reassurance in his voice. He was cool, calm, and collected in cases like this.

The 'him' that Fin is referring to is a older man who we believe raped and then later murdered a 16 year old girl who a student at the high school he taught at. He is just a suspect for now but again with finding more evidence, and asking the right questions at the right time. When is it the right time? How do you know if you are asking the right questions? It is like the classic question, 'How man licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie-pop?' And then the answer, 'The world may never know.' We may never know why someone does what they do but they do it and we are the ones who have to figure out even the basic why. We have to find out whom and we have to find out how the deed was done.

The world may not know but we find out…No matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

The monster's lair. That man who was once called, including by himself, a great educator. Was he once also a family man? Pictures. Pictures of children, women, men, him. Pictures of his students? Of his colleagues? His victims? How can someone live like this? The walls are stained with age, with water, with blood. The sheets. Fresh and clean. Had there been evidence there at one time? Was there still evidence? The kitchen. Dirty dishes still lie in the sink. Was he going to wash them? Did we interrupt. Two glasses sit on the counter. A bottle of wine. We did interrupt. The refrigerator was near empty. He needed to go shopping. No one could live on just this, not even for a week. More pictures hanging on the frig. More children. Everywhere there are pictures of children but not one sign that a child had ever lived here, ever.

My nose is itchy. I am not allergic to much but I am allergic to cats. The monster had a cat. The cat may be gone but his scent, his essence is still here. God my nose won't stop itching.

"You alright?" Elliot asked looking back to me from the other side of the room.

There he goes with asking if I am alright again. No El, I am not alright! I just want to scream. "Allergies," I shrug. Then I turn away from him again and go back to looking through the kitchen. A knife rack. Fit for three knives. Two sit in the rack. One is out on the counter ready to be taken by CSU for analysis. A towel with blood soaked into it sits next to the knife. Was the knife the murder weapon? Was it left there to throw us off? Why would he just leave the weapon there in plain sight? He knew that someone would eventually come and see it lying there. As I stare at it a CSU member picks it up and bags it. I watch him bag it carefully and label it.

"What's up?" Fin asks walking up to me.

I look up at him. "CSU just collected the knife as a possible murder weapon. No visible blood so who knows," I tell him and shrug once again. All these men surround me with all of these questions. Who, what, when, where, why, and how…my head is spinning. I am trying to figure this out guys. I want to solve this as much as I know you do. Do we have the murder weapon? Do we have the right guy? I don't know damn it!

"I'll take this to the lab to see if it is a match," a CSU tech tells me. Again, why me? I am not in charge here! Elliot definitely has seniority. I am just here as his partner, his backup, his…oh I don't know why I am here. Fin and John just got here so why can't I just leave. I can't move. I can't seem to breath. I am spinning. The room is spinning. Where am I? What is going on here?

"Liv?" Elliot says coming over and taking me by the arm. His strong arms hold me up. He holds onto me tight. Why won't he just let me fall, fall into oblivion? Let me fall damn it! He is my rock. He is my protector. I don't need protection. Do I?

"I'm ok," I tell him as I gain my balance, my vision, and my strength again all at once. I have gotten used to the smells in the air so my nose isn't as itchy. I take my arm back away from him. I look into those deep blue eyes again. His eyes smile at me. mine smile back as he takes a step back.

Melinda, the Medical Examiner, is another friend of ours. She took the body of the girl back to the morgue a while ago. She is here to finish up collecting the physical evidence with CSU. She is good at what she does. She doesn't miss a beat. She is thorough in her analysis of the evidence, of the body, of the scene.

This is the crime scene. The center of attention in a case such as this. The victim and the perp come next. The three components in solving a case and we have them all in the palm of our hands.

We'll get the bastard…No matter what.


End file.
